


the pieces you left behind (that I've cared for)

by blankcamellia



Series: Cuddle Buddy AU [4]
Category: SixTONES (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddle Buddy AU, Emotions emotions, Hokuto Is Suffering, Hokuto's past is still unknown, M/M, They're both confused, What's new, slowly getting together, there are barely any cuddles i am so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:34:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24045205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blankcamellia/pseuds/blankcamellia
Summary: To Taiga, Hokuto has changed his life for the better. He doesn’t feel lonely anymore because he looks forward to Hokuto coming over, no matter if he stays the night or not, and because Hokuto always, always, replies to him when he writes to him.Hokuto is there for him in all the ways everyone in his life isn’t.
Relationships: Kyomoto Taiga/Matsumura Hokuto
Series: Cuddle Buddy AU [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1487657
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13





	the pieces you left behind (that I've cared for)

**Author's Note:**

> HI!  
> I SHOULDN'T BE WRITING THIS BUT IT HAPPENED. I was re-reading some stuff and I kinda wanted to write more about the cuddle buddy AU, but there are barely ANY CUDDLES IN THIS I AM SO SORRY.
> 
> There are so many things I want answered - what is Hokuto's past? Why is he SUFFERING?? How warm does the bed get with the two of them in it?? How many days did it take for Hokuto not bother to take any of his clothes with him in his bag?? SO MANY QUESTIONS AND I DON'T KNOW THE ANSWERS HAHA
> 
> Anyway, this is just some self-indulgent stuff I needed to get out, so aha feel free to ignore it.

> user: kyomo1203  
>  _wanna come over tonight?_

He had been in contact with Hokuto now and then since their first cuddle night and for some reason, Taiga couldn’t stop thinking about Hokuto. There was something about the way they had clicked the first day they met, something about the walls around Hokuto that Taiga wanted to demolish, something about the way Hokuto easily had accepted that Taiga wasn’t like everyone else. 

Maybe the way their bodies had fit perfectly together also played a part in it, the physical attraction to the younger male was undeniable, and Taiga wouldn’t even deny it if someone asked (except for Juri). It had been like magic, just laying together on the couch at first, having someone else’s heartbeat match with yours, having someone play with your hair and give you subconscious attention without any hidden intentions. 

He just liked the way Hokuto fit in his life. 

How easily Hokuto always agreed to come over, even when he didn’t request him through the app, how comforting it was to notice Hokuto pass out before him whenever they lazily watched a movie, how his heart pulled at every string in his body whenever Hokuto is in bed before him, not even bothering to fight Taiga anymore about sleeping on the couch, how they just melt together when the blankets cover them and the lights go out. 

They don’t speak a lot about whatever is happening in Hokuto’s life. Taiga is curious, yes, but he doesn’t want to pry and make Hokuto angry. He just wants Hokuto to be happy, even if it’s just a little bit. If that means letting Hokuto stay the night whenever he comes over and asking for him to come over a few extra times a week, then so be it. All he wants is for Hokuto to feel like he’s safe here. That he can be himself here. That Taiga is someone who cares. 

That’s why he always feels so nervous every time Hokuto comes over, because what if Hokuto decides that Taiga was too much? That Taiga has done his part in his life now? That everything between them was a lie?

He wants to believe that they have something special, even if they haven’t talked about it. It would be a lie to say he wasn’t feeling jealous whenever Hokuto said he had to be at someone’s place before coming, or that he’ll be coming over after an appointment, or the rare occasions when he couldn’t come at all. They aren’t exclusive but he felt like they had something, but it could be his imagination too. He could be reading into their situation wrong (he hoped not). 

But he can’t stop thinking about how there’s a part of his wardrobe that has Hokuto’s clothes, the ones he politely if he can clean and dry, ones that he’s just left at Taiga’s and changes into whenever he comes back, but always leaving new, dirty ones to clean. The part is never left empty anymore. How there are specific glasses, plates, and mugs he doesn’t use whenever Hokuto’s not around; how he’s come to associate them with Hokuto too much to use them alone. Also how there’s always a package of a certain instant coffee brand in his shelves, one that never existed before Hokuto but is now a centerpiece in his kitchen. 

In the bathroom, there’s a pair of toothbrushes sharing a mug, a pair of towels, and a double set of bathrobes too. Shampoo and lotion bottles he never uses on his own but always smells. 

There are just so many things in his apartment by now that make it feel like Hokuto is really living with him but at the same time, there are more things that shatter that illusion. But Taiga believes it means something. All the small things that have piled up ever since they first met.

A few minutes later, Hokuto is standing by his doorstep, bag thrown over his shoulders and eyes equally tired as he sounds when he greets Taiga. 

Taiga doesn’t know how long Hokuto has been up, but he knows that Hokuto replied to his message at 4 a.m. this morning and was at the campus all day too. He frowns as he lets Hokuto in, worried that he’ll pass out any time soon. 

It’s dancing on the tip of his tongue, wanting to ask Hokuto how he’s doing, wanting to demand him to talk about it, but he holds it back. He knows it’s not what Hokuto wants or need. 

Hokuto puts away his shoes in the shoe rack, at the same place he always does, the spot he’s claimed, and where Taiga never puts any shoes anymore in case Hokuto comes over. The walk to the couch looks painful and tiring to Taiga, especially with how Hokuto slumps his shoulders, cracking his joints and yawns at the same time. 

So he shuffles to the kitchen, pulls out the takeout boxes of food he ordered before Hokuto arrived, and thankfully, it’s still hot. He brings it with him to the living room, placing it down gently on the table in front of Hokuto, earning a soft thank you from him. 

Hokuto immediately falls against Taiga’s side, scooting as close as he can, when he sits down beside him, and for a moment, Taiga wonders who need this the most, him or Hokuto. 

He brings his hands up to softly pet Hokuto’s hair, fingers easily running through his hair and he can smell the faint scent of sandalwood from Hokuto, calming his nerves slightly and making the world seem a little calmer. The younger sighs blissfully, eyes closing and for a second, Taiga thinks Hokuto is fast asleep until he starts to speak.

“I shouldn’t be coming over anymore.”

Taiga stills his hand, shocked, confused, sad, angry, and betrayed at the same time. Hokuto said what now? His eyes are trained on the food in front of them, trying to find all the details that can distract him from saying something stupid, from doing something stupid. 

“What do you mean?” He manages to say between clenched teeth. He doesn’t understand Hokuto at all. He thought he did, he really did. There was something, they were doing good, he doesn’t know what he did wrong, what is Hokuto even talking about, did he think all this is a waste of time after all, he just thought -

“My whole life is a mess, you shouldn’t be letting me ruin your future,” Hokuto says and Taiga can’t believe his ears. He doesn’t believe that at all. Hokuto is wrong. So wrong.

To Taiga, Hokuto has changed his life for the better. He doesn’t feel lonely anymore because he looks forward to Hokuto coming over, no matter if he stays the night or not, and because Hokuto always, _always_ , replies to him when he writes to him. 

Hokuto is there for him in all the ways everyone in his life isn’t. 

He doesn’t dive into his dark corners of school stress and pressure anymore because Hokuto is there to support him, guide him when he gets stuck because Hokuto’s brain is a blessing, he’s intelligent in all ways possible and helps Taiga with problems he’s not even studying, and he’s Taiga’s main source of musical inspiration. 

He doesn’t think the white walls of his apartment are suffocating anymore because Hokuto is there and paints them in all the colors possible. He doesn’t think waking up in the mornings is a pain anymore because Hokuto is right there, arm around his waist, legs tangled together, soft snoring, and tan skin against white bedsheets.

To Taiga, Hokuto has become his everything.

If he has to put a word to what he’s feeling, it’s love. 

He’s in love with Hokuto and the thought of Hokuto not feeling the same breaks him at the same time as it all makes sense. Telling himself that he was never anything special to Taiga, more than a place to stay at. 

The moment he thinks that he knows he’s wrong. He knows there’s more to it. The trust he put into Hokuto, the keys to his heart he unknowingly gave Hokuto, it all matters to Hokuto too. He wouldn’t be talking about it if it didn’t. 

A part of him wants to be angry at Hokuto for saying all this, scream at him in frustration and anger that he’s lying, that nothing about it is true, fight him until one of them runs away, say stupid words he’ll regret later because Hokuto is being stupid, but another part of him wants to agree with Hokuto, agree that it’s not working anymore, that he’s indeed ruining his future, by not including himself in it, that he thought they had something. But nothing of it comes out.

“And?” He settles with, biting his lip and Hokuto sits up, leaning back enough to look Taiga face to face. It’s a loaded question, he knows that, but he wants to know. Maybe Hokuto is just scared. He probably is. Hokuto is hiding so many things from him but he doesn’t care about those things. He cares about the things that make them Hokuto **_and_** Taiga. He wants to hear from Hokuto directly, that he doesn’t want anything to do with Taiga anymore. 

Because if he was to decide, Hokuto would never leave. 

It explains all the times he felt empty when the door closed after Hokuto, how something left whenever Hokuto did. He just didn’t want to address it as something because he had no right to. He had been a fool all this time, not admitting to himself that he was attached to Hokuto, way too attached. He doesn’t want to call it love because it feels like everything love isn’t but at the same time, everything that love could be. 

“ _As I said_ ,” Hokuto repeats, slow but shaky, hand running through his own hair in frustration. “You shouldn’t be letting me ruin your future.”

“I heard you the first time,” Taiga snaps, almost spitting it out at Hokuto. “Get to the point, and?”

“You shouldn’t-”

“Stop telling me what I should do and not do!” He shouts at Hokuto as he grabs the front of Hokuto’s T-shirt, shaking the taller male slightly. “I don’t care what problems you have, what baggage you carry because if it makes you feel better by staying here, and being in my life, then I want you to stay.”

He tells him in rushed words, incoherent sentences, how Hokuto is stupid for even thinking about this in the first place. He wants Hokuto to stay. If he wants to talk about it all, then he’ll be here to listen. He’ll sit for hours and listen and just listen to every story Hokuto could possibly tell about himself, or he’ll just sit with Hokuto in silence if he rather stays silent. He tells him about all the things he’s thought of - all the things in the apartment, all the things Hokuto’s helped him with, how it makes him feel and Taiga feels weird for saying all of this out loud but he can’t stop. 

When it comes to Hokuto, he makes the weirdest decisions, the weirdest acts, but they all make sense because it’s for Hokuto. 

Taiga wants him to stay, to stay in his life, share this stupid little flat with him because his wardrobe would be so boring without Hokuto’s colorful and weirdly aesthetic printed clothes, his toothbrush will be lonely without Hokuto’s matching one, the coffee he makes every morning will turn cold because no one is drinking it, that his bathroom will never smell the same if Hokuto takes away his bottles.

Admitting how empty it felt every time he left.

He tells Hokuto, eyes threatening to tear up in frustration, how the doesn’t care about anything, as long as Hokuto stays in his life. 

It’s probably as close to a confession as it gets.

Hokuto stares at him, stunned, at a loss of words, trying to take in every word Taiga said, before pulling him into a tight, bone-crushing embrace, burying his face in Taiga’s neck. 

He tries to find the right words to say, find the right emotion he feels, describe it to Taiga, but there’s nothing. He’s not empty, he’s not void of emotions, he just feels everything at once. 

Because for the first time in a long time, he feels like himself again. With Taiga’s arms around him, holding him just as tight back as he holds Taiga, everything falls into place. 

Gone are the dark thoughts and thunderclouds, the storm inside vanishing with every heartbeat he feels from Taiga, sunshine shining through the blinds on his heart, and Hokuto knows Taiga is his safe harbor in the raging storm that is his life. The life he’s going to throw away and start anew with Taiga because he’s someone who’s accepting him, who cares for him.

He knows that he owes Taiga an explanation, owes him his story about everything, but right now, nothing is relevant. All he cares about is to feel Taiga in his arms. 

When looks up, he sees colors again. Warm, soothing colors floating all around them and he sees all the things Taiga talked about - all the little stuff he’s left at Taiga’s place, small pieces of his heart he didn’t consciously know he left here. They’re all here, cared for as if they were a part of Taiga’s own heart.

He’d be fine with this. 

Leaving pieces of his heart to Taiga until Taiga holds his heart, mended and whole again.

Because it’s Taiga, he’s fine with it.

They’ll share warm covers together, sleep in on Saturdays, cook dinner together when Taiga is home early from his musical rehearsals, argue over the TV remote, throw dirty laundry at each other, and be the last and first person they see every day. 

They’ll fall into a routine together, one that Hokuto has always longed for but never gotten, and it’ll all be fine. 

If he stumbles and falls, Taiga will be there to hold him steady, pick him up.

One day, he’ll tell Taiga all about himself because he knows Taiga will stay with him. 


End file.
